A study in porcelain.

Gerald "McPoopyPants" McPoopyPants did not arrive at porcelain by accident. He arrived by apprenticeship — years of study under Italian bidet craftsmen who regarded a fixture as sculpture, under Japanese toilet engineers for whom precision was a moral position, and, finally, under a notably intense janitor working a stretch of highway outside Albuquerque who taught him that the work is never beneath anyone who does it well.

He brought what he learned to Bismarck in 1997 and refused, from the first day, to behave like the vendors his clients had been let down by. Where others saw a chore, Gerald saw a discipline. Where others offered a price, he offered a standard. The patented Triple Swirl™ Potty Polishing Process is the distillation of all of it — a proprietary method that does not merely clean a throne but returns it to monument condition.

Twenty-eight years on, the posture has not softened. The house carries a luxury register because it earned one: a documented process, a Certified Throne programme, and an ironclad promise that has never once been broken. No stains, ever — said plainly, and meant.